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Citing the central role the process plays in cognitive development, a study released Thursday by the American Psychological Association found that boys do not reach emotional maturity until avenging the murder of their father. DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

MORGAN HILL, CA—Having blown through nearly half the titles on the 20-book list in less than two weeks, chronically lonely fourth-grader Logan Parata is currently crushing the Santa Clara County Library’s summer reading program, sources confirmed Wednesday.

WAVERLY, NE—Listening as the haggard messenger spoke of ominous clouds upon the horizon, local fourth-grade teacher Myra Helms received a dark portent of a gathering storm from pale and bedraggled third-grade teacher Beverly Milfay, sources confirmed Thursday.

GOODING, ID—In an effort to more accurately assess how hot the food item would be once he began eating it, local man Barney Randolph on Friday reportedly factored the addition of ketchup into his calculation of a french fry’s final temperature.

SEATTLE—Declaring their intention to prevent you from getting any work done whatsoever, employees from another department announced plans Friday to ramble on about fucking nothing right next to your desk.

POLAND, ME—Studying the youngsters in front of the stable as if she alone possessed the insight into who belonged with whom, Rockbrook Camp counselor Melissa Burke, 19, reportedly assigned kids to horses in a beginner horseback riding class Thursday like a sage town matchmaker presiding over marriage arrangements.

The Town of Edgefield will hold a public meeting on Wednesday, July 12, 2017, from p.m. in the Edgefield Town Council Chambers, Bacon Entrance.

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Samuel Pratt will be sentenced at a future date by U. May called human trafficking “a real problem.” He cautioned jurors about the “distasteful” material they would see throughout the trial, including testimony from law enforcement and experts that shows Pratt’s alleged manipulation and abuse of vulnerable young girls.

“This case is about the defendant’s greed, his manipulation, his thoughts that he’s better than other people,” he said.

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